Happy winter solstice

Is that time again~
It was lonely this year without grandma and grandpa.
Then again, we will keep the tradition on.
Been a few years I didn't celebrate and I kind of miss it.
I miss 3 years of celebrating it with my grandparent.

Sigh~ grandmama I miss you alot...
This year I plan to make different flavor tong yuan.
Add variety and color in life~

Wooohoooo~
reply me at last!!!
Well~ now depend how well I do.
Finger cross
Pray hard
Ah Ma Ah Yeh look out for me <3

where is the snow?

is the time of the year and i am super bored
so this is some random i done in less than 1 hour..
more of it coming if there is no plans ...

Woken up by my own tears

Waoh still cant believe i was woke up finding myself in tears

seriously~

i never "real" cry in my sleep before..

wait i think there is one time but just near the eye

haven drop.. i dream about having a HUGE fight with my mom

and my mom dun want me anymore...hahahah ok.

I had a nightmare.

Thank to Nathra actually

hehe~

Nathra posted in her FB that she L.O.V.E. pets more than people

which i totally agree cause me too!

well story cut short

i told her about i cry for weeks after curly passed away

and she though Pitt pass away

then the very night...

you know la, Pitt died

i took it badly

i appear normal then somehow i break and cry like shit

real hard and long

cant remember all the detail cause is a dream

then i woke up in the middle of the night

2 tear rolling down on my cheek

......

i seriously love that fat dog

I LOVE YOU PITT

i duno wat will happen if pitt really die

......

argh~!! dun think about it

I dun handle DEATH well

ok.

sign off

Sick sick world

seriously, how sick can this world we live in now?

Just checking out my FB b4 i go to bed

and i saw 2 very sick video tat now i cant sleep

1. http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/video/video.php?v=1301612375715

a video about a 4 year old boy smoking cigarette like drinking frm the bottle

It is in Indonesian language so I do not know what the kid is talking

but based on the caption ... "lucah" = porn

the adult is encouraging him or maybe teaching him

2. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=117837198253611#!/video/video.php?v=117837198253611

a japanese student being strip naked and tortured

I wonder what is in the bottle that the girl was force to drink

They kick her, slap her, beat her till bleed.

I bet they even rape her before this.

Just hearing she screaming "stop" made my hair stand.

What is wrong with this world

It's getting so sick and inhumane

I want to vomit now ...

... loging off

Sleep Paralysis

Finally~! i come to light

about my fully conscious, but unable to move sleep state

i had a daymare again

this time i dream about myself in a room, not my room

trying to sleep then i felt someone watching me

very close by.. but i cant see him/her..

then i had a little bit of panic and scared feeling

that is when i fall into the fully conscious but unable to move state

i try to move very hard cause i got more scared of "the thing"

i was getting exhausted then i manage to move

but very slow..take 2X effort to move and like floating

i fall frm bed..moving back up to bed slowly

then i heard children voice out in my window

i snapped out of the state and move to the window

i was in a 4-5lvl building

i looked down.. a lvl below there is 4 children

walking in a narrow boulder crossing to the next building which is a school

then i saw Pitt behind them .. he looked up at me

happily jump around

then..he jump down from one lvl to another ( like playing a game 0_o)

Pitt SLIPPed ..!! and fell down from 3 lvl

he manage to grab and dangle on the electric wire o_0

but the fall in the end

i was stun..turn around and run down the stair murmuring his name

when i reach down .. there is a commotion.

Alot of ppl, and dad try to keep ppl out

Pitt waslicking his wound.. i cant really see how bad

he got smaller somehow..then he turn around looking at me

he lost one leg..and bloody. the other leg is like crippled

then i woke up....NIGHTMARE

i missed PITT

i hate FINALS

Ohya~ i finally get the name of the illness i am suffering

SLEEP PARALYSIS

occurs when the brain awakes from a REM state, but the body paralysis persists. This leaves the person fully conscious, but unable to move. The paralysis can last from several seconds to several minutes "after which the individual may experience panic symptoms.

CAUSE

• Sleeping in a face upwards or supine position
• Irregular sleeping schedules; naps, sleeping in, sleep deprivation
• Increased stress

The original definition of sleep paralysis was codified by Dr Johnson in his A Dictionary of the English Language as "nightmare," a term that evolved into our modern definition

need more melatonin in food diet .. banana, tomatoes, sunseed, etc

Wish list

LOMO

I am in LOVE with LOMO

ned to tighten stomach for this goal

one month and i will b mine

must have~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh~

brother going japan, sure can get cheap... PRAY!

we don't care because we were afraid to ask

been crying none stop

need to stop

and do my work

HongKy

today at sayang met a hong kong guy

yea ho.. we didnt ask name

but he is a guy in early 40s

come to malaysia as a business trip

At first he talk to us to ask us translate to the indo worker

"bihun soup" with extra vege and a bit spicy

lol~ his description made us a bit hard to translate

then we had random talk

1st speak in mandarin mix english

then we realise he is frm hong kong

then blur out cantonese

he look so surprise hahah

launguages

chinese in malaysia

about us studying college

education in malaysia

which country the people walk fast ( tokyo )

hong kong living standard

why singapore separate from malaysia

expenses studying in malaysia

local uni, private uni and college differences

seriously all serious topic

i think we spent 1 and the half hour in sayang because of him

the longest we had stay in sayang after midnight

hong kong people speak english very funny

but it was their way and slang

just like manglish in malaysia~ rofl

he had a daughter in form 3 and a son in form 1

and i look like a 1st runner up miss HK

from 10 year ago~!!! 8D

i look classical

fixed!! for a price

finally~ after dragging for more half a year

found out the problem at last then fixed

my HD got crazy sometimes

there will be days when it connect without problem

sometimes it will required technique

and some days it will just crashed

my portfolio is all inside

if anything happen to it...

I rather killed my self

lol

although it's fixed. It cost me rm55

and i was just expecting rm30 for service charge

this time not only service but change the casing

and it is PINK!!

2010 is a pink year for me

i get 2 gift earlier this year which is pink

a kipling bag and an umbrella

now even my HD is pink in colour

and seriously after CNY i spent alot

mostly on food and magazines

now my HD and a sleeping mask

in just a week i think i spent more than rm 200

=_=

but in Feb i didnt spent much

so still got money

just that i never spent more than rm 150 in a week before

masak masak time

This week my schedule very happening

quite a fun week

totally cure my after test and presentation depression

let me see.. monday is test and tuesday is presentation

Wednesday : Zanmai + yee sang + stalking + snap&shoot

Thursday : Curve + Teppanyaki + cheap magz + cd0781 group photo

Friday : masak masak time Steamboat ( putting my multipurpose cooker to good use )

: prepared everything myself even the soup

: it was a great accomplishment cox it's very good for a 1st timer =p

Saturday : YMM award + ad0781 photo + cd0781 photo section

Sunday : masak masak time again Steak ( bought jusco marinated beef )

: vege + mini corn + mushroom ( weird combination but actually it taste GOOD )

i found my masak masak partner, Jia Yee

more masak masak plans in future

want to make soup so healthier

and cooked brown rice =)

it a boring CNY

~~~~~bored~~~~~

what to do since we cant go visit anyone

stay home and gamble

i learn to play "lamy"

quite good at it too

XD

manage to go out 2 time to meet up with friends

bet they hate me for FFK them so many times

sigh~ sorry guys

just that sometimes i dont feel like going out

just want to stay at home with family

right now, family more important

it is true when they said..

"you will nvr appreciate until you lost it"

i need more times with my parents

life is just too short

numbness

...numb...

still grieving

still crying

still lost

need to get back on active mood

i am lacking behind assignment and project development

web, magazine and out-of-home advertising

i hope i still got the "fire" to do it

i might have lost the half of my spirit

but i am not sure is the fire still burning

maybe i was too ambitious at the beginning

now i regret i cant make it up to standard

need to get out of house

need to stay at library

need to keep self busy

need to get away

sweet bitter

in 3 week times..

SWEET~

...been wrapped around with sweet and happiness

laughter and business

all that been wiped out...

bitter~

the emptiness filled my heart

i am not used to his absence

i cant stop the tears

i cant stop thinking of him

i know i should be happy for him

he live long and happy

Death hit me hard

4 wedding and 1 funeral

been a relly busy month

attended 3 wedding in a month row

and 1 three months ago

grandpa just passed away

9.55, january 23, saturday

"death"

i dont how i am feeling now

tear just keep rolling down and i cant control

i am kind of numb

expressionless

speechless

I manage to see my grandpa on friday

irony is i see him suffer

sometimes i think my grandma is revenging

she just kept on stuffing lots of food inside grandpa mouth

spoonful and hot food shove down the troat

revenge for what?

revenge for making her suffer with him

grandma was consider a rich daugther

but after married to my grandpa she experience poverty

working hard to earn money and take care of 7 children

My grandma was shoving porridge into my grandpa mouth

..when he lost consious

i think my grandpa choke

then lost consious

then my grandma panic and started to called everyone

we were in a friend's wedding when aunt called

my aunt called hospital and get an ambulance

took 15 minute to come

took some blood..pump his heart

took him into the ambulance

said his heart vy weak

(all this my aunt told us co we haven reach bac)

on our way, the car died

then dad restart and pump hard

(my maternal grandpa died more than 10 years ago

same thing happen before he died

The car my mom riding to get back to kk also die half way

when my mom reach, grandpa already died half an hour ago

the exact time the car die)

do you believe it was a sign from my grandpa

i believe it was

when the car died

i had a feeling that grandpa already gone

he die 3 minute before we arrived

nobody saw his late face as doctor wouldnt let us in

tear start rolling down

but i am somehow glad my grandpa passed

91 year old..quite a number there

He live long enough to see all the grandchildren grow up

see his eldest grandson get married

that is more than fulfilling and enough

He should die happy

when we left the "jak kun"(place they put the decease)

i saw an old male dog

weak and cant walk properly

got skin disease

(just like grandpa condition)

he was looking at each of our car

then my mom walk and enter the car

the old dog is gone

i had a feeling that is grandpa

taking his last look at all of us

as he didnt had a chance to see us before he die

kah hou and jewei n su yin coming back today (sunday)

i should sign off now

it's 2.30 in the morning

i need sleep

my eye is tired from crying too much

tomorrow had a lot to do and worried

Am Allergic to Wedding

I am Allergic to Weddings

I usually get fatigue or sick before or the day itself or after the wedding

I had a sore throat before my cousin wedding

Then i had a slight fever and been eating medicine

to hold the sore throat

after the hectic and tiring wedding

I fall deep into a high fever and sore throat

I need to open my mouth to breath as my nose get stuck with mucus

My body temperature is boiling yet my feet is cold as ice

As it passed midnight when i reach home

so i depend on Ho Yan Hor and a really hot shower

but i felt really cold in the hot shower

I survive to the next morning~!!

just bad sore throat

no more fever

I don't want to manage or handle weddings anymore

Phobia and Allergy

LIbrary of My Life

Checking out my library of pictures
aw~ the good and bad times
seems like i don't know how to enjoy life anymore
i need to snap more photos
so i can smile and laugh when i am down
you will seeing some collage of eventful days together with me
<3<3<3

Been lost and found

Back~!!

bad start of the new year

No PATIENCE

EMO

made my MOM CRY

made AUNTS CRY

secretly GRUDGE on a AUNT

ARGUE with BROTHERS alot of times

throw TANTRUM on brother's wedding

New Semester

Timetable seems pretty DECENT

can live with that

course seems MANAGEABLE

friends BREAKUP

BAD VIBE crashing my new RESOLUTION

new project..HIGHLY AMBITIOUS

hope can handle it well and not FALL too hard if i fall

what am i missing now?

ohya .. LIFE

I am still missing LIFE

Come back to me, LIFE

What the hell am i doing, LIFE

tell me, LIFE

Have anyone seen my LIFE?!

it's very TINY but it SHINE with BLUE spark

it like to STROLL aimlessly

KISS ME and WAKE me up, LIFE